Firsts
by Lance Robert Weeler
Summary: You never forget the first time... Clark remembers. CL.


Title: **Firsts  
**  
Summary: _Season 3 was disappointing, not just for Clanas. Clark has something he wants to get off his chest before Lana leaves for Paris_.  
  
Clark paces about in his loft, hands stuffed in his pockets, pondering the never-ending dilemma that is his life. His attention diverts as he notices the storm clouds have departed, and the night sky is clear once again. For as long as Clark could remember, he has been fascinated by the stars. They are ominous to him – glimmering jewels which defy the pitch black sky with their brilliance. He realizes that they are all connected: the stars, himself, Lana, and the gem he holds in his hand. Clark runs his fingers along the necklace, outlining the transparent jewel at its center, and he remembers.  
  
Clark is six years old, a precocious child; kind, well-behaved, and wise beyond his years. And yet he does not speak, nor has he ever. He understands each word spoken around him, but has yet to utter a single syllable. His parents wonder if he cannot speak, but the truth is he chooses not too. His mother tells him he is special, but different from everyone else. His father warns him that people are afraid of things that are different and things they do not understand. He is told that if anyone discovers his secrets, he will be taken away from them. It is this fear that seizes him every time he feels the need to speak. It is too much for a child to watch everything he says in addition to everything he does. But his parents also tell him that they cannot keep him to themselves forever, and so they decide to enroll him in school.  
  
As the first day of school progresses, the children realize he is very intelligent. He knows his numbers up to a hundred, and can spell any word the teacher throws at him. If that wasn't enough ammunition, they also become aware that their new classmate is a functional mute. During Recess, they tease him mercilessly – a couple of boys even push and shove him to the ground but Clark knows he cannot retaliate. Tears form on the outskirts of his eyelids and his lips tremble. It is overwhelming for him – to be stronger than everyone else, but yet be so completely and utterly helpless. It is not the last time he will feel this way. In the distance, a girl sits solemnly on the swings. Her eyes lock upon the scene and within moments a pair of hands dart out and grab an ear in each, twisting as the two boys yelp in agony. The angry girl drives them away, threatening to kiss them if they do not yield.  
  
When she turns to help him up, Clark catches a glance at her glimmering hazel eyes, her long dark hair done up in pig-tails. He accepts her help and a strange warmth spreads over him as their hands meet. She asks him if he's okay, to which he nods nervously. She tells him her name is Lana and asks him for the same. His lips quiver as if to speak, but he catches himself. One of Lana's friends whispers in her ear that his name is Clark, and he can't talk. She smiles and asks him if he wants to go play on the swings. For the next ten minutes, he pushes her on the swings, careful not to use too much force. As she goes higher and higher into the air, her smile grows brighter as does his. Clark has made his first real friend. The bell rings and they sadly part ways to their respective classrooms.  
  
They meet again later in the lunchroom, where she offers him a sip of her juice. The girls around them giggle about something called 'cooties,' but he pays little attention. Then Lana grabs his hand and pulls him to the playground where she tells Clark that they are to play a game called 'Double Dutch.' As she begins to explain the rules to him, Lana's teacher approaches and calls out to her. They speak briefly, after which Mrs. Rosenberg clasps a something shiny around the little girl's neck. Lana shouts out excited to Clark that her teacher found the necklace she had lost that morning. As she runs back to him, he begins to feel dizzy. His vision becomes bleary, and all the voices mingle until they are incoherent. Clark faints and falls to the ground for the first time.  
  
Lana wears the necklace everyday without fail, and everyday she wonders sadly why Clark chooses to stay away from her. Stupid boy, she thinks. Clark can only look on from afar, as he schemes to separate them somehow. One afternoon after school as he waits for the bus, he sees her on the swings by herself once again. She takes the necklace off and clutches it against her, and looks up at the sky, a slight twinkle in her eye... perhaps a teardrop. She loves it as if it were her own mother. Suddenly he is stricken with guilt – he knows now that he cannot hurt her, even if it means putting his own happiness aside. It is the first time he has to make such a decision.  
  
Later that night the Kents are awoken by the sound of Clark's tears. They console him as best they can and ask him why he is crying. Between the sobs and sniffles, they make out his first word. Lana.  
  
A few days later, his father brings him into the loft and gives him a present to cheer him up. It is his grandfather's old telescope which has lain in the attic all these years collecting dust. It is his first real gift and the instant he's left alone with it, its gaze is trained directly on the Lang residence. He peers into it hoping to catch a glimpse of her and he is not disappointed. The pangs in his chest aside, he cannot stop looking. It is the first of many sleepless nights.  
  
In Junior High, he notices. Lana does not wear her necklace everyday, not anymore. They pass each other in the hallway everyday and begin to exchange pleasantries. She does not act any different around him than anyone around her. She has forgotten. Clark is glad - perhaps they can start over with a clean slate, he thinks. Weeks later, he finally musters enough courage to say more than just 'Hi.' He waits by her locker after school, fear and excitement pounding beneath his breast. He spots her then - she is not alone. It is her first boyfriend. His heart breaks for the first time.  
  
He is fourteen now, his father for the first time tells him the truth. He disappears into the night, so many thoughts running through his head. He sees her at the graveyard and for the first time they talk – really talk. She takes him by the hand to introduce her parents. It is the first time he's connected with anyone. It is also the first time he's held hands with a girl, but that is not what weighs on his mind. During the whole encounter he realizes that not only is Lana his first love, she is the first person he ever hurt. She told him that 'it's not your fault, Clark,' but it is. Nothing can change that fact. He's already hurt her twice... but he cannot help but be drawn to her.  
  
Clark wakes up in the field, tied up on a cross with a giant 'S' scrawled on his chest. His body bare and silent, his eyes wavering in despair. The cold wind blows past him as the necklace dangles from his neck. He squirms and shivers, but he cannot move. It is the first time he feels real pain. He feels it again when he goes to return the necklace to her. As he hangs it on the doorknob, his fingers linger. His veins pertude and the pain shoots up his arm, but it cannot compare to what he feels in his heart. He disappears at the sound of her voice, but looks back from afar. He smirks, content to make her smile – even if only for a moment.  
  
It's wrapped around his neck again. He struggles on the floor in vain, impotent against its powers. He watches in amazement as the ship illuminates casting the green from the stone, exorcizing the last physical obstacle between them. Now the only things separating them are entirely in his head. This scares him more than any meteor rock.  
  
And finally, Clark recalls his last birthday. Lana surprising him with a cake – and so much more. Her lips press against his, her arms around his shoulders, her body molding to his. He thinks for a moment he is dreaming but it is the real thing. Lana Lang, flesh and blood in his arms, kissing him, touching him, wanting him. Everything vanishes before him – the truth, his parents, his friends, the loft, it all disappears. The only thing he sees and feels is her body pressed against his and her breath on his neck sending goose-bumps down the length of his spine.  
  
The memories fade as he hears the sound of her heels clicking up the stairs, possibly for the last time. She sits on the couch and waits silently for what he has to say. He takes a seat next to her and covers her hand with his, dropping the trinket into her palm. She looks down in confusion, her eyes filled with questions, her mouth agape at the jewel she thought she had lost forever.  
  
And for the very first time, he tells her the truth. 


End file.
